Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
