I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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