Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
