if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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