I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
