so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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