I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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