please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
