Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
