She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
