mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
