i barfeds in our rink
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You have to summon your inner elephant
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
