I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Randomize