I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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