It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
