You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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