Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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