Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
