Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
