it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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