dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
