If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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