I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
