i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
