i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
