Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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