i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
