Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
