He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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