My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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