Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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