don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
