Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
