i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
