Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
