wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
