oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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