I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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