God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
