2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
