Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
someone owes me an orgasm
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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