Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
