peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
