Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
