i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
