So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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