new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
