i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
