I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
