just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
