i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
should my penis look like a turkey
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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