I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
