oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
